Loner...

Do you ever feel alone? Even when you are surrounded by people? Yes? Good. At least I'm not the only one. I have never been the popular one. Ever. I have my close best friend or two, but after that, I'm just an acquaintance. Like I hang out with me, but they never really acknowledge that I'm there. When we are is a group, I am always at the outside ring. When I say something, people look at me like I'm some kind of idiot who doesn't know what she's talking about. And then someone says it five minutes later, and everybody laughs like it's the most hilarious thing in the world. Why can't I be like that? Why can't I be popular? I don't know all of it, but I think one of the reasons is that I'm not the most social person in the world. I suck at conversations. I never know what to say, so I freeze up or do the one-word answers. Then people think I'm stuck-up, standoffish, or just plain ol' dumb. My mom doesn't understand. I try to explain that I just CAN'T and she just doesn't get it. When I try to tell her, she gets all upset, tries to convince both of us that she knows what I'm going through and how I feel, when she actually doesn't and then we end up arguing, with her all up in a huff, and me trying not to cry (f.y.i I am a crier when it comes to sad parts in movies and books, when I get a "boo-boo", and when I get all heated up with anger, sadness, and/or frustration) She says she went through the same thing but its hard to believe that when she was one of those popular cheerleaders in high school, a retired dancer who use to preform a lot, and whose job every day is to talk and communicate with people (for the most part) Why can't I just be a normal person who can have normal conversations with people and not go into shut-down mode or anything? Why do I feel so alone?